Here are some common parenting
mistakes from parents' own behaviour -
our children have enormous capacity for
growth and learning and absorb from us
what we teach through our actions,
thinking, words, and attitudes
Many parenting mistakes are the
result of not taking enough care with
our own self respect. Parenting provides
us with many opportunities for self
discovery, self reflection and for self
improvement.
If we use these opportunities we can
also grow up emotionally as our children
are growing and developing.
Being Inconsistent
It's really tough on kids when you
come down hard one minute and then give
in the next. Nothing creates anxiety in
children more than lack of consistency.
If this is your parenting style then
take a big step back and examine your
reasons for jumping between yes and no.
* Is it that you have trouble making
decisions?
* Are you worried about upsetting
your children?
* Is it just laziness?
* Were you too quick to begin with?
* Do you not trust yourself?
* Do you listen to others then wish
you hadn't?
If you are strict one day and then
appear indifferent the next, how are
your children to learn what your
expectations are?
Be clear, firm and consistent. The
results will speak for themselves.
No routines, schedules or house
rules
This makes life so much harder than
it needs to be.
Just imagine a train running with no
timetable, or waiting for a doctor who
makes no appointments. Just imagine
having no meal times or celebrating
birthdays only when you feel like it.
Chaos reigns instead of order.
We need plans, routines and schedules
to organize our days. Children function
best when they know ahead of time what
to expect, where to be, and how to carry
out their plan. Fun and spontaneity
occur naturally when everyone is at
ease.
Do as I say, not as I do
Is this you? Children absorb what
goes on around them. As parents we don't
even have to spell it out - they
observe, and then act accordingly.
Becoming parents brings the
responsibility to clean up our own
behaviour, to check out our own
responses and to amend what falls short.
Take a long, hard look at how you
conduct yourself before your children
and ask yourself if you are proud of
what they see? In no way should your own
actions cause you to feel embarrassed in
front of your children. This point leads
on to the next one.
Untruths, half truths and
dishonesty
You are their first and most powerful
teacher. Your children can detect
untruths and half truths with their
detection radar as easily as you can in
others.
The problem is that your children
look up to you, admire you and need your
love. They aren't about to point out to
you that they didn't like what they just
observed. Instead, they lock it away
inside themselves with some shame.
Let your children be the means of
providing you with truth serum! Clean up
your act and be their hero instead of
teaching them about shame and confusion.
Acting like a doormat
Running around after your children
teaches them disrespect, intolerance,
and laziness. Providing no consequences
for bad behaviour teaches them that you
don't care so they won't either.
* Give your children strength and
stability to look up to.
* Display behaviour that you want
them to emulate.
* Let them learn by their actions.
Treat your children as the
intelligent beings they are and allow
them the opportunities to grow and learn
for themselves. If doormat behaviour is
your way of doing things, take the time
to question why this is and seek help to
amend your ways for your family's sake.
Unrealistic Expectations
This is a tough one and it requires
thoughtful perusal and open reflection
to establish whether our expectations
are realistic. Many parents err on
either side - some have very low
expectations of their children and so
inhibit their natural growth, while
others are so unrealistic that their
children cave in under the pressure.
It's a good idea to have regular
conversations with other parents to
ascertain whether your expectations are
age appropriate. Make sure your
expectations match your child's
emotional development.
Don't despair if you see yourself in
some of these parenting mistakes. They
can always be rectified and you can
always make choices around your own
behaviour. Never be ashamed of saying
sorry to your children - or admitting
your mistakes to them.
Your children can learn some
wonderful ways of coping by watching the
steps you take to repair some of your
parenting mistakes.